May 2013
8 posts
“… Within me there lay an invincible summer.”
Look back and toast : "To our lost youth"
They say time will ease all the pains, I doubt that. The pain of regret - the more time passes, the deeper it sinks in the loop of self-hatred.
There’s a silver ring on my ring finger. It was a gift from Mack when we were seventeen. We were best friends even though - now I realized - I felt more than I should have towards him at the time.
I have no fear confronting my feelings. In grade...
Adam touched her while he was looking at me as if he was trying to demonstrate something, showing me how to transfer the attractiveness of a woman to become the desire of men; how to be passionate about such creation.
I should start writing again.
April 2013
13 posts
Agrhh. I must say, its quite disappointed when I found out kaidan admired Shepard as a good friend at the dinner. Where is the gooddamn romance? I don’t wanna replay the whole thing again…
I want to embrace him and take a deep breath.
I told him and he knew, back then I adored him. And now I start to think whether if I have been abusing such awareness of him.
I want to promise him an adventurous summer, smile at him, smell his skin and maybe sleep with him. Sleep with a man.
I don’t like him but the idea of him.
That is my final excuse.
Delusion
In my final exam of International Marketing, I wrote:
“The freedom of choice is a delusion.”
Listen
Whatever Gets You Through The Night
You have nothing to do so you drop a few tears and occupy yourself with a pocket full of sadness.
Whatever gets you through the night.
Whatever gets you through the night.
You are seeking another excuse that would fulfill the purpose of waking up next morning.
Anonymous asked: You're pretty.
This is the point where I look back my twenty years of existence and say: “everything is just turned out to be fine”.
This is the point where all those sorrows I had been through suddenly become laughable.
This is the point where I still need to tell myself to move on. Happy 21st Birthday to myself.
March 2013
3 posts
If love can come so pure…
February 2013
9 posts
I WAS PERCEPTIVELY LOST
On shrooms, Phlox and I were lying in the same bed that night, approaching toward the end of the multicoloured exposure.
“I am afraid of having regrets,” I said with a long pause. “I don’t like this; I don’t like myself losing control in this world knowing I haven’t gone far.”
“Because there’s no place for you to wake up to?” Phlox laughed, hard.
...
My childhood; no one can retell.
It was a childhood where inside joke doesn’t exist.
“For someone who was never meant for this world, I must confess I am suddenly...”
I don’t like the irony of my life.
January 2013
10 posts
Listen
Fortune Cookies
Crack enough of fortune cookies until you hear what you wanna hear:
“Love is on its way.”
Of course you laughed.
“Life has been playing tricks on me lately, and I think it’s best not to...”
I cannot love myself
First I thought I have been cursed that I can’t love anyone. Then I realized I actually have been cursed that I can’t love my very own self.
…and then I question myself:
have I ever loved my parents as often as I could have?
No.
Then I guess I shouldn’t have asked them the same thing for more.
I told life that I don’t want a tragic irony.
So I admitted it.
I tell myself I couldn’t love, and it felt fine for a while.
December 2012
2 posts
November 2012
13 posts
I still nurse anger and resentment from my childhood.
“I am no different than a foster child.” I said. “This is your revenge isn’t it?” Mother said it in a calm tone. “There’s only so much that you can blame us.”
“I want love.” I said. He looked at me and pushed the box to me.
“Fine! You can have my last piece of Chicken McNugget”.
Every time he says he will talk to me later he makes it sounds like we are going two separate ways and probably never gonna see each other again.
